The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

An excerpt from 'A Good and Fair Trade':









Huey started the engine and pulled the van back onto the road.

“I’m Shemhazai, by the way” he stated casually.

Joshua swallowed hard. “Shemhazai…as in the leader of the Second Fall?” Gaping at Huey, he focused on the black and green feather tied in his hair.

Huey laughed. “Yeah – that would be me.”

With Joshua’s stunned silence, Huey continued speaking.

“Well…I wonder why an old woman would conjure up a demon, so that he could live out his life as a human, to work in a coffee shop.”

Joshua stared straight ahead. “I was a human before I became a demon” he said quietly.

“I kinda’ figured that” Huey remarked, with a note of sarcasm.

Glancing at Joshua’s stony profile, he asked “Did you have a demonic name?”

“Yes” Joshua sighed, with a blush spreading across his face. “I was called Salaxaureus.”

“A Latin name.” Huey released a chuckle. Salacious gold. His eyes swept briefly over Joshua’s handsome face and well-toned body.

“I take it that you were an incubus?” he inquired, while refocusing on the road ahead.

Joshua gnawed nervously on his bottom lip before replying.

Yes. Of the goat leg variety. I really don’t want to discuss this.

“Yes.” He turned and faced Huey.

But I may as well get it over with. It’s not like he won’t be able to figure it out…

With another quick glance, Huey noticed that besides his blushes, Joshua appeared rather innocent and agitated.

“In the ancient past, I’ve dropped off a lot of inmates” Huey said, dispensing with his previous lighthearted banter. “Hell is nothing to joke about.”

He caught the pained expression on Joshua’s face from the corner of his eye.

“While I can see the appeal, you don’t really strike me as incubus material” Huey remarked.

“One adapts in order to survive” Joshua said evenly.

Huey glanced at him again before commenting further.

“What the hell did you do to end up in Hell?” he finally asked.

“With the exception of the most pure and the most evil, the dead usually remain dead until the coming of the Final Judgment. What the fuck did you do?”

Noting that the former demon’s eyes didn’t change color at all, Huey was taken aback, since he still wasn’t able to probe Joshua’s mind to get the answers for himself.

“Were you one of those ‘charming’ serial killers?” Huey asked, outwardly disgusted. He pulled the van over to the side of the road and shut off the engine for the second time.

No. I did kill a serial rapist though, Joshua thought.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Joshua glanced at Huey before looking straight ahead.

“No. I was not a serial killer. Before going to Hell, I’ve never killed anyone in my life.” He pushed his hair back and scratched his forehead before resting his hands on his thighs.

“I grew up in a serial killer-free community in Massachusetts.”

“And how are you now?” Huey asked.

“Now?” Joshua retorted. “Now, I rape and pillage every chance I get.”

Joshua’s acidic sarcasm wasn’t lost on Huey, who looked at him sideways.

“Ooookay…”

“I had the misfortune of becoming the object of a twisted bitch’s desire” Joshua admitted, through clenched teeth. His hands curled into fists, and his eyes glowed yellow.

“I see…” Huey said. The way he said ‘I see’ demonstrated that he really had no clue regarding Joshua’s remark. After an uncomfortable moment of silence, he started the engine, and put the van back on the road.

“It seems that we have some interesting stories to exchange on our way to Mexico” he finally stated.

Joshua looked at him, wide-eyed.

“Um…” he murmured “I don’t have a passport.”

“Don’t worry” Huey said. “I’ll take care of everything.”

He flashed a radiant smile before looking straight ahead.

“First, we should stop by Walmart for another shovel. And another machete.”

At a loss, Joshua still nodded. “Ah…why do we need a shovel and a machete?” he finally asked.

“In our search for my brother angel, we may literally have to do some hacking and digging” Huey replied.

“And bring him back in this here serial killer van” he added, in an over-the-top hillbilly accent.

Joshua released a genuine laugh.

“Well” he suggested, “You might want to add an axe and a hacksaw to the list.”

Huey chuckled, with a quick glance in Joshua’s direction.

“What are you – a lumberjack?”

Relaxing a bit more, Joshua actually smiled, displaying dimpled cheeks.

“No. I was – am -- a carpenter, by trade.”

“You don’t say?” Huey laughed “Joshua the carpenter? Yeah…we definitely have some stories for the road.”